“The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choicest words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech.”
Edwin Friedman
All educators are leaders in some sense. While some choose to focus on their own classrooms, many try to implement meaningful change within their school communities, within their school districts, or even on a national or international scale. As Edwin Friedman reveals in the quote above, it is not sufficient to appeal to another’s intellect in order to influence change. There is an emotional factor that supersedes logical decision making, especially when change is hard.
How does one harness the power of emotion when trying to make meaningful change? Friedman tells us what our focus needs to be when taking on a leadership role, but Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler explain how to be effective in this role in Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High.
Edwin Friedman explained that it is the leader’s responsibly to lower the level of anxiety in his or her organization. How does a leader accomplish this goal when there are often strong emotions involved? In Crucial Conversations, the authors define the three elements of a crucial conversation:
- High stakes
- Strong emotions
- Opposing opinions
When entering into conversations that can be emotionally charged, it is important to maintain safety for all involved. There needs to be Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect. It is the leader’s job to establish this zone of safety so that all participants feel free to contribute to the “pool of knowledge” described in Crucial Conversations. If everyone feels that their contributions are acknowledged and valued, difficult conversations can be more successful, and the organization as a whole functions more effectively. As Friedman told us, it falls upon the leader to model appropriate conversation skills to his/her team.
As I work with members of the World Language Department to implement an in-class blended learning environment, it will be important for me to make use of the practices described in Crucial Conversations. I recognize that not all members of my department will be enthusiastic about changing their students’ learning environment. As I explain in my post Influencing Change, I will need to make use of the Six Sources of Influence to bring them on board, and I will need to be mindful of ensuring that others feels safe when having conversations with me and with others about the challenges that they face. By returning frequently to the ideas of Mutual Purpose and Mutual Respect, the probably of success with my innovation plan is increased, which will benefit both teachers and, by extension, their students.
References
Bardwell, M. D. (Producer). (2010, November 10). Friedman’s theory of differentiated leadership made simple. Podcast retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgdcljNV-Ew&feature=youtu.be
Galindo, I. (2019, March 11). Ten leadership quotes from Edwin Friedman [Blog post]. Retrieved from Columbia Theological Seminary website: https://www.ctsnet.edu/ten-leadership-quotes-from-edwin-friedman/
Patterson, K., Grenny, J., McMillan, R., & Switzler, A. (2012). Crucial conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high (2nd ed.). New York, NY: McGraw Hill.
Growing my Classroom 